Talk to Strangers

When I was little, we watched a video called "Too Smart For Strangers" in school. The video featured people in creepy costumes of Winnie the Pooh characters talking and singing about what to do if a stranger approaches you. I really enjoyed this video and found it very informative. Later that day when my family went to the movie rental place, I saw the video and even asked my parents if we could get rent it. My parents rightfully said no, because it is a very odd thing for a six-year-old to want to watch. Even with only one viewing, I understood the message of the video loud and clear. Strangers are bad people who want to do bad things to you.

Here is the video cover of "Too Smart for Strangers" for your convenience. 

In middle school, my friend Sarah was the first person to show me how not only how to talk to strangers, but also how to have a meaningful conversation with a stranger. She would ask a waiter what they liked to do in their free time or ask a lifeguard at Wisconsin Dells what it was like to work there. Remarkably, even though we were strangers to them too these strangers would share very personal stories with us.These were strangers, and yet when we talked to them they didn't seem dangerous.  I started becoming less afraid to talk to strangers, and not just talking to them but asking them personal questions about their lives. As an introvert, frequently it is even easier talking to strangers, because there is less risk. These conversations are fleeting, but also very valuable. 

Kio Stark recently gave a TED Talk called, "Why You Should Talk to Strangers." (https://www.ted.com/talks/kio_stark_why_you_should_talk_to_strangers?language=en). In it she says, 

" . . . in many parts of the world, we're raised to believe that strangers are dangerous by default, that we can't trust them, that they might hurt us. But most strangers aren't dangerous. We're uneasy around them because we have no context. We don't know what their intentions are. So instead of using our perceptions and making choices, we rely on the category of 'stranger.'"

This was definitely me and I am so glad that I can usually muster up some courage to talk to strangers, because it makes travelling and living in a different country so much more enjoyable. Living abroad it is near impossible not to talk to strangers. Frequently, I will get asked where I am from and what I am doing in Taiwan. People are curious as to what I am doing in Taiwan and what I think about this country. I have also needed to start conversations to ask for help and also just out of curiosity about the lives of others. There are two main benefits that I get from my conversations with strangers that Stark also addresses in her TED Talk. 

The first benefit is that these conversations makes me feel like I am a part of a community. My roommate Josilin, who has been here for two years, can't go anywhere without running into a "friend." Timothy at Family Mart always seems excited when he sees me. There is a cook at a restaurant I frequent, who speaks limited English, but she still smiles and waves at me when I come in. Our relationship is not just a business transaction. She recognizes me; she sees me. 

Talking to strangers also makes me aware of my own bias. When I was younger, I put everyone in the category of stranger or friend. Now I know that strangers are not necessarily dangerous. My brain still puts strangers into categories, which is biased. Stark writes,

"When you think about it, using perception instead of categories is much easier said than done. Categories are something our brains use. When it comes to people, it's sort of a shortcut for learning about them. We see male, female, young, old, black, brown, white, stranger, friend, and we use the information in that box. It's quick, it's easy, and it's a road to bias. And it means we're not thinking about people as individual." 

Here it is easy to put people into two categories: foreigner and non-foreigner. My brain puts people into these two categories mostly based on skin color. This shows my bias. I have met people who were Asian, that I falsely assumed were from Taiwan who ended up being foreigners.  I have also heard that some schools here will not hire foreign teachers if they are Asian because upon first glance it is not clear whether or not they are foreigners. Another bias I have recognized while being here is that because I work with mostly American teachers, my first inclination is also to assume that every white person I see is American. As I have started conversations, I have met white people from South Africa, Canada, and various parts of Europe. Now that I am aware of these biases, I can work to fix them. When I put people in these categories, I am not seeing them as individuals. After having a conversation with them, I see others not as a foreigner or a local, but as Jimmy from California who knows a lot about world capitals. I made a connection with my Uber driver, who had visited Minnesota to go to the 3M headquarters. In a world where there is so much rampant and blatant xenophobia and racism, it is a start to have a simple conversation with a stranger to see others as an individual and not a category. 

Admittedly, it is easier for me to talk to strangers in a different country or while traveling. In the United States, I am far less bold. Different countries have various unspoken norms when it comes to friendliness with strangers. In Denmark, people would rather miss their stop on the train than ask someone to move out of their way so they can get off. Taiwan was just rated the best place to make friends (http://indy100.independent.co.uk/article/the-best-and-worst-countries-in-the-world-for-making-friends--WkbWdgjoXdZ). People are very friendly to foreigners. However, one of the Taiwanese teachers at my school told me that it is very un-Taiwanese-like to strike up a conversation with another Taiwanese person in public. People stick to their social hubs of family, school, and work to make friends. It takes a shift in thinking about how we see others. For me it took a shift in thinking with what I was taught in school at a young age in regards to strangers. 

The ability not to default strangers as dangerous starts with children. By only giving children the categories of stranger and friend, it does society a disservice. It is important to teach children that some strangers do not have the best intentions, but not all strangers are bad by default. The recent news cycle of Jacob Wetterling's body being found in Minnesota (http://www.startribune.com/danny-heinrich-confesses-to-abducting-and-killing-jacob-wetterling/392438361/) and the story of clowns trying to luring kids into the woods are just two examples of strangers not having the best intentions (http://www.cbsnews.com/news/clown-sightings-reports-of-clowns-luring-kids-expand-into-second-state-south-carolina-north-carolina/). Instead of teaching that all strangers are dangerous by default like I learned with "Too Smart For Strangers," teach kids how to use their perceptions instead of categories to know when it is okay to be friendly and when it is not. Everyone you know was a stranger at one point in time, so go out and talk to a stranger!