Dear Taiwan

Somewhat related song: 

I have binged listened to all of Miley Cyrus' covers since "Malibu" dropped. This one is fitting. 

In two weeks, I will be leaving Taiwan. It kind of feels like a break-up. How does one say goodbye to a country? It is out of mutual respect and love that I would like to announce our conscious uncoupling. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It's not you, it's me.  I'll just write a letter. 

Dear Taiwan,

I remember the first time we met. I was dressed comforably in a black pinafore. I had just endured several layovers and long flights. I felt gross from spending countless hours on planes. I'm sure I had dark circles under my eyes from the minimal sleep. You didn't seem to care that I wasn't at my best though. There you were waiting for me as soon as I got off the plane. 

I fell for you all at once and hard. Everything was a new experience and an adventure. You took me to places that I had never seen before. You guided me to the brightly painted walls of Rainbow Village, the carved gorge of Taroko, and the Lotus Pond of Kaohsiung. You pushed me out of my comfort zone to try new experiences I never would have been brave enough to do on my own. I tried a blind massage. I drove a scooter through winding mountainr roads. At night markets and restaurants, you held up chopsticks and spoonfuls of food that were sticky and from questionably edible body parts. I tried them, mostly. You also humored me when I just wanted Western food. You'd ask how the tacos were. I would smile and tell you good. I didn't have the heart to tell you they weren't quite the same as other tacos.You tried so hard.  

You were just so helpful, kind, and patient with me. Going out of your way if I needed help, sharing your umbrella with me when it was raining and I didn't have my own, or moving scooters next to me so I could get mine out. Most of all, with you I felt safe. I let my guard down, because nothing seemed like it could go wrong when I was with you. 

Of course, it wasn't always easy. The honeymoon period eventually ended. Things that I used to find endearing were now a source of annoyance. At first, it had been fun to furious type on Google Translate and pass our phones back and forth. It had been like we were passing secret messages that only the two of us could see. Eventually it began to seem like a chore. You'd say, "I don't know how to say it in English." I'd say, "Well, I don't know how to say it in Chinese." We'd sit in our silence, not bothering to pull out our phones to try and find words that weren't quite the meaning we intended. There were conversations you had with your friends, where I was left out picking out only scraps of words. I'm sure there were times when you felt left out too. There were times when I was talking with my friends, and it just seemed like too much work to stop and explain the joke we were laughing at. 

We also disagreed on how to solve conflicts. I had never been the confrontational one, until I met you. Just tell me what is wrong! Where is this coming from? Let's talk about this. I would tell you, tugging on your shirtsleeves. You'd say that nothing was wrong and put on a smile that came nowhere near your eyes. Behind the face of that smile, I knew something was bothering you. Sometimes I wanted to put you in a headlock or trap us inside an elevator until you told me what was wrong. Even then, I knew it wouldn't do any good though. I would always want to dig, while you would always prefer to keep things buried. 

You call me a foreigner. Do you like me because I am foreign and different or because I am me? Maybe you think the same thing too. There is no way to answer this question, because there is no way to separate the two entities. Still sometimes, I think you saw me how you see all the other foreigners---as American, English teachers. I'm not just an English teacher though. I went to school and was trained as a teacher. I'm not just someone who wanted an adventure and met the bare requirements of being able to speak English and looking like a foreigner. Still, there were times when I didn't recognize my own privilege and acted entitled. I know I wasn't perfect either. 

There were days when things just seemed unneccesarily hard. Why did it seem so hard? I brought up my exes of the United States and Namibia. It was easier to do (fill in the blank) in the United States. This wasn't a problem with (fill in the blank). There was never regret though. Even with all of our disagreements and frustrations, I still love you. When traveling to other countries, I couldn't help but compare. I would see pieces of you in other places that just reminded me of you. Others just seemed like a watered-down version of you. It was you that I was always anxious to come back to. My shoulders relaxed and I exhaled when I made my way back to you. You were my home. Even though I am moving on, a part of my will always love you. I will continue to think and look back at our time fondly. So even though I am leaving for now, I hope we can remain friends. Then one day, I'll come back to visit you and we can think back to the time we had together, my Ilha Formosa. 

Love,

Kristin

Here I am on the beach in Kaohsiung. Picture taken by Tyler.

Friends Are The Family You Can Choose

Somewhat related song:

This song is in the Lego Batman Movie. It is probably one of the catchiest songs about friendship I have ever heard. 

        There are some nights when I can't quiet my mind enough to fall asleep. I ask myself the same 2 a.m. questions.  In Taiwan I can walk around by myself and feel safe. Will I be safe in El Salvador? Will I like my school? Will I be successful there? My mind inevitably circles back to friends. I used to worry about making friends, and I still do. However, now I worry more about what will happen to my frienships when everyone will be living in a different country. What happens when we no longer have proximity or have the commonality of living and working in the same place? Will we still keep in touch? We will ever see each other again? Do they value my friendship as much as I value theirs? 

         In the song "Friends are Family," it says, "friends are the family you can choose." This has certainly been the case this year. Michael, Tyler, and Josilin, in particular, have been my support system and family while I was far away from my own. We celebrated our birthdays, went to IKEA to celebrate Thanksgiving, and went on so many adventures together. Living abroad isn't always easy, but it sure is a lot easier when you have good friends by your side. This year we worked together, lived in the same apartment building, and spent most of our free time together. Three Americans. One Canadian.  This sitcom is basically writing itself. These are the people who I have spent almost every day of my year with. I'll miss our adventures together. There was the time we went to Pingxi together to see the lantern festival. There was the time that Josilin and I got locked inside our apartment. There was the time that Michael and I went to Sun Moon Lake together. There was the time that Tyler and I rode around Cijin Island on a scooter bike and pretended to be tour guides. Maybe even more that that, I'll miss the quiet moments. We spent almost two, full days together playing games, watching TV, and talking over two typhoon days. I'll miss the times we met after every big trip to debrief. I'll miss the walks and talks with Michael. I'll miss having late night talks with Josilin sitting on the floor outside of our rooms. I'll miss singing duets with Tyler during KTV, in the office when no one else is around, and in taxis. I don't have pictures of these quieter times.  Most of all, I'll miss having these people as a constant in my life. 

Just some of the memories from this year including (clockwise from top left): Rainbow Village with Josilin, scooting to Sanyi with Michael and Tyler, Hong Kong Disney with Tyler and Josilin, and the  Pingxi Lantern Festival with Tyler, Sophia, Kara, Michael, Josilin, Hannah, me, and April)

         When you are younger, it is so easy to just assume that you will have the same friends forever. It didn't seem like a big commitment to buy precut jewelry to declare who was your best friend forever.  It has five years since I graduated college (How?), and am approaching ten year high school reunion (Gasp! But really, how?). As I have gotten older, I have come to understand that it is work to maintain a friendship, even in an age with social media. There are people in both high school and college that I was close to, but that I don't hear or speak to anymore. There are the toxic friendships that were purposely ended, but also friendships that slowly fell away over time. I'm still not sure what it is that keeps a friendship besides effort and a mutual respect. Something that makes me hopeful is the friendships that have grown stronger by my being abroad. There are friends that I contact more now, than when I lived in the United States. I also was fortunate to have many friends come visit. These friends were from different times in my life and I had differing levels of communication with since living in the same place as them. 

         My high school friend Jess came to visit at the end of March. She currently lives in China, so she visited for a long weekend. We spent a couple of days in Taichung before going up to Taipei. One of my favorite parts of Taipei was staying in the space-themed hostel. It had been almost two years since I had seen her, because she had been living in China. I enjoyed catching up with her as well being able to talk about similarities and differences between living in China and Taiwan. 

         Family friends of ours visited to go to a wedding in Taipei. I was able to spend the day in Taipei with Jim and Leigh in April. I also was able to see their son, Matt, briefly before he had to catch his flight. My family did a lot with the Donaldsons family when I was younger. They moved to California when I was in elementary school. The last time I saw them was a few years ago when visiting my parents when they lived in California. With Jim and Leigh, I went to the National Palace Museum, Din Tai Fung, and Taipei 101. It was so much fun spending the day with them and catching up. 

See Matt off to the airport with Leigh! Jim was taking the picture. 

         My next friend to visit was Sloane. We have been good friends since we were eleven. I took the week off of work and we spent the week traveling to different places around Taiwan including Taipei, Green Island, and Kaohsiung. It was really nice being a tourist for a little bit. Sloane had found a free walking tour and I learned so much more about Taiwan. Another highlight was going to an old sugar factory, which had been converted into a drumming studio. We had a woman show us around and give us a free drumming lesson. Even though I talk to Sloane regularly, she got to connect names to people and places that I had talked about. I feel like now she understands more about what my experience of living here has been like. 

The woman who was giving us the private tour took our pictures with the drummers. 

        In October, I went to visit my friends Amanda, Makara, and Patrick in South Korea. In May, they all came to Taiwan to visit! First was Amanda, who I was able to meet up with in Taipei. We got to experience KTV (karaoke) Taiwan-style this time and also go on a walking tour. Just like I was able to get a slice of her life visiting her, I was now able to show her a little slice of my life in Taiwan. The following weekend Makara and Patrick visited. I worked with Makara in the PLU Archives during college. It had been about six years since I had seen Makara and her husband Patrick, and now I have seen them two times in one year! I showed them around Taichung for a couple of days. Then we headed up to Taipei to watch some of the Dragon Boat Festival. Makara competed in dragon boat, so it was fun to get her perspective. We had a great time and they took notes for their next trip back to Taiwan. 

Makara, Patrick, and I at Taipei 101. 

          It was really great getting to catch up with all my friends who visited. Even though I have not been in constant contact with them over the years, it makes my heart full knowing that we can still connect after time apart. We didn't pick up where we left off, instead we picked up at a completely different stop. The reunion was all the more sweeter knowing that we have grown and are in different places in our lives now. My friends here and important to me and I want to stay in touch with them after we all leave Taiwan. I am hopeful that we will. I know that even though they might not be an every day constant, good friends always have a way of coming back to each other.