Somewhat related song:
I have binged listened to all of Miley Cyrus' covers since "Malibu" dropped. This one is fitting.
In two weeks, I will be leaving Taiwan. It kind of feels like a break-up. How does one say goodbye to a country? It is out of mutual respect and love that I would like to announce our conscious uncoupling. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It's not you, it's me. I'll just write a letter.
Dear Taiwan,
Dear Taiwan,
I remember the first time we met. I was dressed comforably in a black pinafore. I had just endured several layovers and long flights. I felt gross from spending countless hours on planes. I'm sure I had dark circles under my eyes from the minimal sleep. You didn't seem to care that I wasn't at my best though. There you were waiting for me as soon as I got off the plane.
I fell for you all at once and hard. Everything was a new experience and an adventure. You took me to places that I had never seen before. You guided me to the brightly painted walls of Rainbow Village, the carved gorge of Taroko, and the Lotus Pond of Kaohsiung. You pushed me out of my comfort zone to try new experiences I never would have been brave enough to do on my own. I tried a blind massage. I drove a scooter through winding mountainr roads. At night markets and restaurants, you held up chopsticks and spoonfuls of food that were sticky and from questionably edible body parts. I tried them, mostly. You also humored me when I just wanted Western food. You'd ask how the tacos were. I would smile and tell you good. I didn't have the heart to tell you they weren't quite the same as other tacos.You tried so hard.
You were just so helpful, kind, and patient with me. Going out of your way if I needed help, sharing your umbrella with me when it was raining and I didn't have my own, or moving scooters next to me so I could get mine out. Most of all, with you I felt safe. I let my guard down, because nothing seemed like it could go wrong when I was with you.
Of course, it wasn't always easy. The honeymoon period eventually ended. Things that I used to find endearing were now a source of annoyance. At first, it had been fun to furious type on Google Translate and pass our phones back and forth. It had been like we were passing secret messages that only the two of us could see. Eventually it began to seem like a chore. You'd say, "I don't know how to say it in English." I'd say, "Well, I don't know how to say it in Chinese." We'd sit in our silence, not bothering to pull out our phones to try and find words that weren't quite the meaning we intended. There were conversations you had with your friends, where I was left out picking out only scraps of words. I'm sure there were times when you felt left out too. There were times when I was talking with my friends, and it just seemed like too much work to stop and explain the joke we were laughing at.
We also disagreed on how to solve conflicts. I had never been the confrontational one, until I met you. Just tell me what is wrong! Where is this coming from? Let's talk about this. I would tell you, tugging on your shirtsleeves. You'd say that nothing was wrong and put on a smile that came nowhere near your eyes. Behind the face of that smile, I knew something was bothering you. Sometimes I wanted to put you in a headlock or trap us inside an elevator until you told me what was wrong. Even then, I knew it wouldn't do any good though. I would always want to dig, while you would always prefer to keep things buried.
You call me a foreigner. Do you like me because I am foreign and different or because I am me? Maybe you think the same thing too. There is no way to answer this question, because there is no way to separate the two entities. Still sometimes, I think you saw me how you see all the other foreigners---as American, English teachers. I'm not just an English teacher though. I went to school and was trained as a teacher. I'm not just someone who wanted an adventure and met the bare requirements of being able to speak English and looking like a foreigner. Still, there were times when I didn't recognize my own privilege and acted entitled. I know I wasn't perfect either.
There were days when things just seemed unneccesarily hard. Why did it seem so hard? I brought up my exes of the United States and Namibia. It was easier to do (fill in the blank) in the United States. This wasn't a problem with (fill in the blank). There was never regret though. Even with all of our disagreements and frustrations, I still love you. When traveling to other countries, I couldn't help but compare. I would see pieces of you in other places that just reminded me of you. Others just seemed like a watered-down version of you. It was you that I was always anxious to come back to. My shoulders relaxed and I exhaled when I made my way back to you. You were my home. Even though I am moving on, a part of my will always love you. I will continue to think and look back at our time fondly. So even though I am leaving for now, I hope we can remain friends. Then one day, I'll come back to visit you and we can think back to the time we had together, my Ilha Formosa.
Love,
Kristin
I fell for you all at once and hard. Everything was a new experience and an adventure. You took me to places that I had never seen before. You guided me to the brightly painted walls of Rainbow Village, the carved gorge of Taroko, and the Lotus Pond of Kaohsiung. You pushed me out of my comfort zone to try new experiences I never would have been brave enough to do on my own. I tried a blind massage. I drove a scooter through winding mountainr roads. At night markets and restaurants, you held up chopsticks and spoonfuls of food that were sticky and from questionably edible body parts. I tried them, mostly. You also humored me when I just wanted Western food. You'd ask how the tacos were. I would smile and tell you good. I didn't have the heart to tell you they weren't quite the same as other tacos.You tried so hard.
You were just so helpful, kind, and patient with me. Going out of your way if I needed help, sharing your umbrella with me when it was raining and I didn't have my own, or moving scooters next to me so I could get mine out. Most of all, with you I felt safe. I let my guard down, because nothing seemed like it could go wrong when I was with you.
Of course, it wasn't always easy. The honeymoon period eventually ended. Things that I used to find endearing were now a source of annoyance. At first, it had been fun to furious type on Google Translate and pass our phones back and forth. It had been like we were passing secret messages that only the two of us could see. Eventually it began to seem like a chore. You'd say, "I don't know how to say it in English." I'd say, "Well, I don't know how to say it in Chinese." We'd sit in our silence, not bothering to pull out our phones to try and find words that weren't quite the meaning we intended. There were conversations you had with your friends, where I was left out picking out only scraps of words. I'm sure there were times when you felt left out too. There were times when I was talking with my friends, and it just seemed like too much work to stop and explain the joke we were laughing at.
We also disagreed on how to solve conflicts. I had never been the confrontational one, until I met you. Just tell me what is wrong! Where is this coming from? Let's talk about this. I would tell you, tugging on your shirtsleeves. You'd say that nothing was wrong and put on a smile that came nowhere near your eyes. Behind the face of that smile, I knew something was bothering you. Sometimes I wanted to put you in a headlock or trap us inside an elevator until you told me what was wrong. Even then, I knew it wouldn't do any good though. I would always want to dig, while you would always prefer to keep things buried.
You call me a foreigner. Do you like me because I am foreign and different or because I am me? Maybe you think the same thing too. There is no way to answer this question, because there is no way to separate the two entities. Still sometimes, I think you saw me how you see all the other foreigners---as American, English teachers. I'm not just an English teacher though. I went to school and was trained as a teacher. I'm not just someone who wanted an adventure and met the bare requirements of being able to speak English and looking like a foreigner. Still, there were times when I didn't recognize my own privilege and acted entitled. I know I wasn't perfect either.
There were days when things just seemed unneccesarily hard. Why did it seem so hard? I brought up my exes of the United States and Namibia. It was easier to do (fill in the blank) in the United States. This wasn't a problem with (fill in the blank). There was never regret though. Even with all of our disagreements and frustrations, I still love you. When traveling to other countries, I couldn't help but compare. I would see pieces of you in other places that just reminded me of you. Others just seemed like a watered-down version of you. It was you that I was always anxious to come back to. My shoulders relaxed and I exhaled when I made my way back to you. You were my home. Even though I am moving on, a part of my will always love you. I will continue to think and look back at our time fondly. So even though I am leaving for now, I hope we can remain friends. Then one day, I'll come back to visit you and we can think back to the time we had together, my Ilha Formosa.
Love,
Kristin
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| Here I am on the beach in Kaohsiung. Picture taken by Tyler. |
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