An Attitude of Gratitude

          The route to my grandma's house was a familiar one, and one I took often during college. Instead of going "over the river and through the wood," I would take the Tacoma Narrows Bridge across the Puget Sound and then go through the woods of firs and pines. This particular time, my uncle Paul had picked me up to give me a ride to my grandma's house for Thanksgiving.There were three things that were almost always a given at Grandma's house. The first was that there would most likely be Marion berry pie with Tillamook Ice Cream. It was highly encouraged to eat it for breakfast, because as my grandma would say, "It counts as a fruit." The second given was that there would be napping under homemade quilts in front of the TV while watching old movies. The third given was the feeling of love that could be found in every corner of the house from the hand stitched notes of love on the Ragedy Ann dolls to the animals that had been taken in that always seemed to find my grandma to the hugs at the backdoor. We sang along to Janis Joplin during the hour-long drive as I eagerly awaited getting to one of my favorite place.

          When we pulled up the gravel driveway, I was surprised there weren't any lights on. Were Grandma and Uncle Roy not home? We pulled in and parked behind Uncle Roy's Bronco. 

          "We haven't had power the past couple of days. There was a storm that knocked out the power lines. They don't know when it will be back up again. Ours was out too, but it came back on about a day ago," my uncle said.  

          I was surprised. Maybe I should have waited to come until the power had come back on. I had brought work to do on my laptop. It was too late now though. I was here. Thanksgiving was a couple days out still, so hopefully it would be back on before then. Uncle Paul said his hellos to Grandma and Uncle Roy, before heading back home. 

Here's an old picture of my grandma and I at her house. 

          We settled in the living room under quilts. Uncle Roy and Grandma confirmed everything that Paul had said. They hadn't had power for the past couple of days, and that they didn't know when it would come back on. They added that they had been fine though. Uncle Roy had made a few trips into town to buy some food and supplies, but other than that hadn't needed to change much of their normal routines. My uncle still got up everyday to go work at the shipyard. 
          My grandma asked me if I wanted some hot chocolate. I said I did. 
          "One of the things I had to go out to get was water," My uncle said, while Grandma was in the kitchen using the gas stove to make hot chocolate.                    Having grown up in the depression, my grandma hoarded food. I slept in the extra bedroom, which also served as an extra pantry for canned and dried goods. She also kept big containers of water. It had come in handy this time, but she added bleach to the water so it wouldn't go bad. 
          "The animals wouldn't drink the bleach water, but Grandma still does. So we have non-bleach water if you want some."
          I was skeptical that my grandma was currently making me hot chocolate  with water that neither the cat nor the dog would drink. 
          She handed me the hot chocolate and settled back in her recliner underneath her quilt. I watched her take the first sip. The face she made was not quite a grimace. She mumbled under her breath that the bleach was pretty strong, but it wasn't a complaint. I drank mine without saying anything. A little bleach wouldn't hurt anyone. Well it could, but I wasn't going to think about that. 
          We spent the rest of the evening in the living room all together under quilts listening to the Mariner's game on the radio. Even the animals joined us. The dog Rose was sleeping on the rug, while the cat Rose slept on Grandma's lap. Every once in awhile, the gas heater in the corner would kick in. We sat there talking in between innings until the sun went down. Eventually we couldn't see each other and decided it was time to go to bed. 
          We used a flashlight to find our way to our rooms, not that we needed one. We all knew the house with our eyes closed. The power came on the next day. My parents came a day later and we celebrated Thanksgiving like normal. Though I don't remember much about that actual Thanksgiving. Even though I had been initially a little annoyed to be without power, I was so happy and grateful in that time spent with my grandma and uncle. 

        This week I was thinking about how I was going to teach my students about having gratitude. This story came to mind, as it does every year around this time. It's a reminder for me to have gratitude for what I have (i.e. quality time with people I love) and not to focus on what is missing (i.e. power). I needed this reminder this year. My lifestyle in El Salvador is very different than it was in Taiwan. It's hard not to focus on the absence of some things I had while I was living in Taiwan, and instead focus on what I have to be grateful for here. I do have a lot to be grateful about my situation in El Salvador. As it is close to Thanksgiving, here is my list of what I am grateful for about living in El Salvador. 

I'm grateful for the beaches and these views.

What I Am Grateful For

1.My students/parents          

I have a really nice class. They are thoughtful, smart, and kind. They get excited about learning new things, and are just generally happy kids. They impress me and make me laugh daily. Their parents have also been very supportive. In conferences, many asked me about action steps they could be taking at home. I have also had many parents check-in to see how my transition to moving to El Salvador has been. 

2. Having a place to live/close to school

I live in a complejo with many of the other foreign teachers. It only takes a quick group message if you need something and there are many offers of help.  My roommate and I have our own house and backyard. The school pays for this housing. It is also very conveniently located near the school, so I walk to school each day. 

3. Haydee

The school requires us to have a maid come twice a week to our house. At first I was opposed to this. Why pay to have someone do something that I could do myself? Our empleada, Haydee, is such a blessing and I am so thankful to have her. She cleans, does our laundry, and cooks for us. It is so nice coming home after work and not having to worry about doing these chores. I also have much  more . . .     

                      

4. Time to Write

With Haydee doing the housekeeping, I have a lot more free time.  I have been using this time to work on several writing projects, including my book. This is something that I didn't have an established routine for in Taiwan. It have really enjoyed getting back into establishing daily writing routines again. 

5. Cindy/Spanish

One of my goals for living here is to learn Spanish. I get free Spanish classes through the school. There are only three of us in the class, and I really enjoy everyone's company.  Our teacher, Cindy, is also fantastic. The class is entirely in Spanish, which is what I need. I already can speak and understand way more Spanish than when I first came here. I also know way more Spanish than I do Chinese. Plus, I can read Spanish! 

6. Yoga

There is a group of us who walk to a yoga class every Tuesday. I started going to yoga somewhat consistently last year with Janice. I am so happy that I can continue the practice. I feel so zen and relaxed after class. The meditation is also very helpful to me. 

7. Cooking

In Taiwan, I rarely cooked. We didn't have a working oven, and also it was hard to find the ingredients I needed. I cook a lot more here. I have enjoyed getting back in the kitchen and seeing the end product of a meal. 

8. I'll be home for Christmas

Last year, I wasn't able to come home for Christmas. This year, I am so excited that I will get to go home for two weeks. I don't even care that it will be bitterly cold. 

            

It Just Takes Some Time

Related Song: 

"The Middle" by Jimmy Eat World 
Backstory of this song: A high school girl e-mailed the band saying that she didn't feel like she fit in at her high school, because she was not punk enough. The band wrote this song as a response to be yourself. Jimmy Eat World didn't think it would be a hit, and it almost didn't make the album. The bandmembers thought it was too simple of a song to have mass appeal. 

There are times when a song perfectly describes a mood, feeling, or just in general seems to understand your current existence. Since moving to El Salvador, that song has been "The Middle" by Jimmy Eat World. There are times when I feel like I should be more settled and further than I am. Our house still has bare, white walls. Even though school has started, I still do not have everything up in my classroom. There are feelings too, like everyone else is forming frienships faster than I am. There are times when I have just needed the chorus of "The Middle" to tell me that it is going to take some time, and that everything, everything will be all right and be just fine.  Here are how my socially anxious thoughts fit in with the lyrics of "The Middle." 

Hola, El Salvador

I have been in El Salvador for almost two weeks now. The first week was mostly getting settled for both living and working in a new place. I filled out a lot of paperwork and went to trainings. I saw my classroom and started getting ready for the first day of school. Everyone has been super nice and helpful. There were lots of shopping trips to get everything settled for my house too. The second week we had off, because it is Agostinas in San Salvador. The week is used to celebrate Jesus, the patron saint of San Salvador. Here are some of the other adventures I have been on while in El Salvador. 

1. The Beach

El Salvador is the only country in Central America that does not border the Caribbean Sea. It still has plenty of beaches though. My first Saturday in El Salvador we took a trip to the beach. There are five other new international teachers and four teachers who are part of the welcoming committee. We loaded up two vans and went to the beach. The school pays a membership to a resort called Atami. We rented a couple of cabanas for the day, then spent our time by the water. There were pools, wave pools, and of course the beach. It was beautiful and relaxing. 

2. A Volcano

There are twenty-three volcanoes in El Salvador. We visited the San Salvador volcano, which is located in El Boqueron Park. We can see this volcano from the complejo. It was about a forty-five minute drive. We drove most of the way up and then took a short hike up to the four view points. The volcano is 5,905 feet high. The crater pictured is about three miles in diameter and 1830 feet deep. There was also a small museum about the last eruption of the volcano in 1917. On the way down we stopped at a restaurant called La Pampa, which had good food and a great view of El Salvador. 

3. The Market

I have been to two markets so far. The one pictured is a local food market. We got warnings that you will "get gringoed" and get charged more. I don't think we did though, because I got a ton of fruits and vegetables for $11. I'm excited to start cooking again! We also went to the main downtown market (on the walking tour below). It had food, clothes, and miscellaneous things, kind of like a night market in Taiwan.

4. A Walking Tour (And Lots of Churches)

As I was looking for things to do for our week off, I found a free walking tour of the downtown area. I went with four of the other new teachers. The walking tour company was called EC Tours. The company was originally started to fight the negative stigma of El Salvador being unsafe. They even promote tourism in El Salvador with the hashtag #dontskipelsalvador. Before the tour, we had been given some general warnings about being safe in the downtown area. During the tour, our guide congratulated us sarcastically about surviving the most dangerous part of San Salvador. On the tour we learned more about the history of the country. We also visited several churches. El Salvador has a Catholic heritage, but religion in general plays a big role in the culture. According to the CIA World Fact Book from 2014, 50% identify themselves as Catholic, 36% as Protestant, and 12% as not religious (https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/geos/es.html). I met someone who said she lived by a church. She had to time when she left and arrived at her house, because 10,000 people attend the church services. The church pictured above is the Basilica Sagrado Corazon de Jesus. The church was built between 1900-1913. The church structure is made of metal. It was designed and shipped from Belgium. 

 Here is another church we visited on the walking tour. From the outside, it doesn't look like much of a church. The Iglesia El Rosario was designed by a sculptor and finished in 1971. Though it doesn't look like much on the outside, the inside is beautiful with  rainbow colored glass windows lighting the sanctuary. It is the #1 site on TripAdvisor in San Salvador. 

This is the view looking out from Iglesia El Rosario. Much of the downtown area is currently under construction, because the mayor wants to revitalize the area and promote tourism. 

5. Agostinas

As I mentioned, this week we have had off because San Salvador celebrates Agostinas. Some of the other teachers and I went to one of the celebrations. It reminded me of a fair back home. It was very crowded. There were buildings with vendors. Outside there was bandstands with music and performances, rides, and food stalls. One ride in particular was very entertaining to watch. It is called Tagada. People sat on the inner edge of a bowl-shaped ride. There are no seat belts or restraints. The ride spins and then will bounce and jerk around. It was entertaining watching people trying to hang on and trying not to fall into the middle. We also saw part of a hot dog eating contest and a man with a pet squirrel. I didn't take my phone, so I don't have pictures. :(

Here's to many more adventures in El Salvador! #DontskipElSalvador

Turtle Time

"Turtle Time!" A man yells running up from the beach. 
Everyone stops what they are doing. Card hands are left on the table mid-game. I pause the podcast that my mom and I are listening to together. The guides put out their cigarettes and lead the group with flashlights towards the beach. This is the moment everyone on the island has been waiting all day for. 

Ten Hours Earlier . . .
My mom and I were sitting on a small jetty in Sandakan, Borneo with a bunch of other strangers. We all seemed to be eyeing the docked boats warily wondering if we would be getting on one of them. Our guide, Darwis, picked us up from the hotel earlier in the morning. We were running late, but Darwis ensured us that the boat wouldn't leave without us. He told us to sit while we waited for his signal. Mom went to the bathroom and came back quickly, saying she could wait. He finally gave the signal, a small wave, and we carried our baggage to the small motorboat. It was about an hour ride to the even smaller island off of Borneo called Selingaan Island, or as it was nicknamed Turtle Island. 

We had arrived in Borneo three days earlier. I had decided to go on one last trip in Asia, before going home for a few weeks. My mom met and came with me. This is a poor life choice, I had thought to myself as I was taking the bus from Taichung to Taipei for the last time. It had been an emotionally draining week. I had said goodbye to my students, my friends, and the country that had been my home for the past year. I am not a crier, but I started crying almost immediately when I woke up. It continued on and off for most of the day. Though by evening on the first night in Borneo, I was glad that I had chosen to go to Borneo before going home. It was a place that I had looked into visiting even before I had left for Taiwan. It provided a good distraction, and animal distractions are the best. 

When we arrived on the island, we were met with beautiful sandy beaches. Before we were shown to our rooms, Darwis pointed out a board hanging over the dining hall. It showed various statistics on the turtles on the island, including number of nests made and the number of eggs laid during the year. It also showed the time that turtles had come to the beach to start laying their eggs. The previous night it was recorded at 10:50 pm, so we could possibly be in for a long night. We had a couple hours of downtime before lunch, so Mom and I went to our room for a bit. 
       "Do you know what this reminds me of?" I asked as we walked to our room. 
       "What?" Mom responded.
       "A bunch of strangers meet on a secluded island. Only one boat on and one boat off. I've read this book and seen this mini-series." 
My mom didn't believe me that someone was probably going to get murdered within the next twenty-four hours. I told her to just wait until someone didn't show up at mealtimes. Everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall that I noticed.  

The sunset on Turtle Island. 

In the afternoon, most people on the island went to the beach. You could rent snorkelling equipment, but we opted for just straight swimming. It was a good choice, because the allocated beach area was very shallow. It was hard to swim without knocking into or stepping on some coral. After swimming we walked around the island. It took us less than an hour to circumnavigate the whole island. Darwis took us to the beach to watch the sunset and explain to us what would be happening this evening. As he was talking to us, we saw some turtles start climbing onto the beach. We had to leave the beach, so the turtles could start building their nests. There would be nobody allowed on the beach from 6 pm to 6 am, except for the rangers who helped collect the eggs.  Before dinner we watched a brief video on the history of the island's turtle conservation. The hatchery was started in 1966 to protect the endangered green sea turtles and hawksbill turtles. Both species are endangered, largely due to people selling and eating their eggs. Everyone showed up to dinner. After dinner, we just waited until a ranger spotted a turtle who had laid at least five eggs. It didn't take long.

"Turtle Time!" A man yells running up from the beach. 
Everyone stops what they are doing. Card hands are left on the table mid-game. I pause the podcast that my mom and I are listening to together. The guides put out their cigarettes and lead the group with flashlights towards the beach. This is the moment everyone on the island has been waiting all day for. We run to the beach following the flashlights. There are a couple turtles that we notice, but we are told to keep moving until we get to the one with the ranger. The turtle had a small pile of eggs already in the nest. They can lay between 80-165 eggs in one night. The mother turtle is working hard to push all of the eggs out. The excess salt from the green sea turtle's salt gland make it look like she is crying. When she is finished, the ranger collects her eggs in a bucket. The mother works on burying the nest, not knowing that her eggs are no longer there. The ranger then checks her shell for any harmful coral that needs to be scraped off.The ranger also checks the tracker that is on the turtle. It has been seven years since she has last been to the island. She moves about a foot in front of the nest before taking a rest. We are led off the beach to the next part of the program. 

The mother turtle is working hard to lay the eggs. 

A ranger helps collect the eggs and helps the mom make her way back to the ocean. 

Earlier in the day, we passed a gated area with green material in holes. We were told it was where the eggs stayed in the hatchery. It was unclear how this worked though. For the second program, we get to see it first hand. The ranger takes the eggs that have been collected from the mom and puts them in one of the holes. Then they get buried in the sand. The green material around the hole protects it from any predators. The eggs need to incubate for two months, before they will finally hatch. A stake marks the number of eggs and the date and serves as their "birth certificate." "Congratulations, you are all godparents now," one of the rangers says. 

One of the two hatcheries for the eggs. Each hole marks one nest. 

The final program is releasing the baby turtles into the ocean. The ranger has a basket of turtles that hatched during the day. We surround the babies in a semi-circle. They put a light on the ocean to help guide them, but some turtles need a thumb to help rotate them to the right direction. It takes several tries for some of them to make it to the ocean. Only about 4% of the turtles will survive into adulthood. The put the light on the water and we can see all of them swimming around. 

One of the baby turtles making its way to the ocean. 

Before we go to bed for the night, Darwis gathers up our group. He tells us that we are not allowed on the beach until 6 am, but there was a chance that we could still see some turtles laying eggs after that. He says that we could take a morning walk, just for the chance of seeing more turtles. The next morning we wake up and start walking around the beach. We make it about halfway around without seeing any turtles. We questioned whether or not to just go back to our room. Then we see a ranger waving towards us. We both start running as we saw a turtle making its way to the ocean across the beach. We get there just as it goes back into the ocean. It is followed by another turtle. Closer towards the middle of the island, I see some sand being thrown. I go over to investigate and spot a turtle burying its nest. There are two other turtles that we find still on the beach. We watch them until it is time for breakfast. The board shows that twenty-nine nests were made during the night. The rangers collected 1945 eggs and released 452 hatchlings. It was a memorable twenty-four hours and a highlight of our Borneo trip. Each day it got a little bit easier to be away from Taiwan.

One of the turtles making its way back to the ocean.  

Dear Taiwan

Somewhat related song: 

I have binged listened to all of Miley Cyrus' covers since "Malibu" dropped. This one is fitting. 

In two weeks, I will be leaving Taiwan. It kind of feels like a break-up. How does one say goodbye to a country? It is out of mutual respect and love that I would like to announce our conscious uncoupling. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It's not you, it's me.  I'll just write a letter. 

Dear Taiwan,

I remember the first time we met. I was dressed comforably in a black pinafore. I had just endured several layovers and long flights. I felt gross from spending countless hours on planes. I'm sure I had dark circles under my eyes from the minimal sleep. You didn't seem to care that I wasn't at my best though. There you were waiting for me as soon as I got off the plane. 

I fell for you all at once and hard. Everything was a new experience and an adventure. You took me to places that I had never seen before. You guided me to the brightly painted walls of Rainbow Village, the carved gorge of Taroko, and the Lotus Pond of Kaohsiung. You pushed me out of my comfort zone to try new experiences I never would have been brave enough to do on my own. I tried a blind massage. I drove a scooter through winding mountainr roads. At night markets and restaurants, you held up chopsticks and spoonfuls of food that were sticky and from questionably edible body parts. I tried them, mostly. You also humored me when I just wanted Western food. You'd ask how the tacos were. I would smile and tell you good. I didn't have the heart to tell you they weren't quite the same as other tacos.You tried so hard.  

You were just so helpful, kind, and patient with me. Going out of your way if I needed help, sharing your umbrella with me when it was raining and I didn't have my own, or moving scooters next to me so I could get mine out. Most of all, with you I felt safe. I let my guard down, because nothing seemed like it could go wrong when I was with you. 

Of course, it wasn't always easy. The honeymoon period eventually ended. Things that I used to find endearing were now a source of annoyance. At first, it had been fun to furious type on Google Translate and pass our phones back and forth. It had been like we were passing secret messages that only the two of us could see. Eventually it began to seem like a chore. You'd say, "I don't know how to say it in English." I'd say, "Well, I don't know how to say it in Chinese." We'd sit in our silence, not bothering to pull out our phones to try and find words that weren't quite the meaning we intended. There were conversations you had with your friends, where I was left out picking out only scraps of words. I'm sure there were times when you felt left out too. There were times when I was talking with my friends, and it just seemed like too much work to stop and explain the joke we were laughing at. 

We also disagreed on how to solve conflicts. I had never been the confrontational one, until I met you. Just tell me what is wrong! Where is this coming from? Let's talk about this. I would tell you, tugging on your shirtsleeves. You'd say that nothing was wrong and put on a smile that came nowhere near your eyes. Behind the face of that smile, I knew something was bothering you. Sometimes I wanted to put you in a headlock or trap us inside an elevator until you told me what was wrong. Even then, I knew it wouldn't do any good though. I would always want to dig, while you would always prefer to keep things buried. 

You call me a foreigner. Do you like me because I am foreign and different or because I am me? Maybe you think the same thing too. There is no way to answer this question, because there is no way to separate the two entities. Still sometimes, I think you saw me how you see all the other foreigners---as American, English teachers. I'm not just an English teacher though. I went to school and was trained as a teacher. I'm not just someone who wanted an adventure and met the bare requirements of being able to speak English and looking like a foreigner. Still, there were times when I didn't recognize my own privilege and acted entitled. I know I wasn't perfect either. 

There were days when things just seemed unneccesarily hard. Why did it seem so hard? I brought up my exes of the United States and Namibia. It was easier to do (fill in the blank) in the United States. This wasn't a problem with (fill in the blank). There was never regret though. Even with all of our disagreements and frustrations, I still love you. When traveling to other countries, I couldn't help but compare. I would see pieces of you in other places that just reminded me of you. Others just seemed like a watered-down version of you. It was you that I was always anxious to come back to. My shoulders relaxed and I exhaled when I made my way back to you. You were my home. Even though I am moving on, a part of my will always love you. I will continue to think and look back at our time fondly. So even though I am leaving for now, I hope we can remain friends. Then one day, I'll come back to visit you and we can think back to the time we had together, my Ilha Formosa. 

Love,

Kristin

Here I am on the beach in Kaohsiung. Picture taken by Tyler.

Friends Are The Family You Can Choose

Somewhat related song:

This song is in the Lego Batman Movie. It is probably one of the catchiest songs about friendship I have ever heard. 

        There are some nights when I can't quiet my mind enough to fall asleep. I ask myself the same 2 a.m. questions.  In Taiwan I can walk around by myself and feel safe. Will I be safe in El Salvador? Will I like my school? Will I be successful there? My mind inevitably circles back to friends. I used to worry about making friends, and I still do. However, now I worry more about what will happen to my frienships when everyone will be living in a different country. What happens when we no longer have proximity or have the commonality of living and working in the same place? Will we still keep in touch? We will ever see each other again? Do they value my friendship as much as I value theirs? 

         In the song "Friends are Family," it says, "friends are the family you can choose." This has certainly been the case this year. Michael, Tyler, and Josilin, in particular, have been my support system and family while I was far away from my own. We celebrated our birthdays, went to IKEA to celebrate Thanksgiving, and went on so many adventures together. Living abroad isn't always easy, but it sure is a lot easier when you have good friends by your side. This year we worked together, lived in the same apartment building, and spent most of our free time together. Three Americans. One Canadian.  This sitcom is basically writing itself. These are the people who I have spent almost every day of my year with. I'll miss our adventures together. There was the time we went to Pingxi together to see the lantern festival. There was the time that Josilin and I got locked inside our apartment. There was the time that Michael and I went to Sun Moon Lake together. There was the time that Tyler and I rode around Cijin Island on a scooter bike and pretended to be tour guides. Maybe even more that that, I'll miss the quiet moments. We spent almost two, full days together playing games, watching TV, and talking over two typhoon days. I'll miss the times we met after every big trip to debrief. I'll miss the walks and talks with Michael. I'll miss having late night talks with Josilin sitting on the floor outside of our rooms. I'll miss singing duets with Tyler during KTV, in the office when no one else is around, and in taxis. I don't have pictures of these quieter times.  Most of all, I'll miss having these people as a constant in my life. 

Just some of the memories from this year including (clockwise from top left): Rainbow Village with Josilin, scooting to Sanyi with Michael and Tyler, Hong Kong Disney with Tyler and Josilin, and the  Pingxi Lantern Festival with Tyler, Sophia, Kara, Michael, Josilin, Hannah, me, and April)

         When you are younger, it is so easy to just assume that you will have the same friends forever. It didn't seem like a big commitment to buy precut jewelry to declare who was your best friend forever.  It has five years since I graduated college (How?), and am approaching ten year high school reunion (Gasp! But really, how?). As I have gotten older, I have come to understand that it is work to maintain a friendship, even in an age with social media. There are people in both high school and college that I was close to, but that I don't hear or speak to anymore. There are the toxic friendships that were purposely ended, but also friendships that slowly fell away over time. I'm still not sure what it is that keeps a friendship besides effort and a mutual respect. Something that makes me hopeful is the friendships that have grown stronger by my being abroad. There are friends that I contact more now, than when I lived in the United States. I also was fortunate to have many friends come visit. These friends were from different times in my life and I had differing levels of communication with since living in the same place as them. 

         My high school friend Jess came to visit at the end of March. She currently lives in China, so she visited for a long weekend. We spent a couple of days in Taichung before going up to Taipei. One of my favorite parts of Taipei was staying in the space-themed hostel. It had been almost two years since I had seen her, because she had been living in China. I enjoyed catching up with her as well being able to talk about similarities and differences between living in China and Taiwan. 

         Family friends of ours visited to go to a wedding in Taipei. I was able to spend the day in Taipei with Jim and Leigh in April. I also was able to see their son, Matt, briefly before he had to catch his flight. My family did a lot with the Donaldsons family when I was younger. They moved to California when I was in elementary school. The last time I saw them was a few years ago when visiting my parents when they lived in California. With Jim and Leigh, I went to the National Palace Museum, Din Tai Fung, and Taipei 101. It was so much fun spending the day with them and catching up. 

See Matt off to the airport with Leigh! Jim was taking the picture. 

         My next friend to visit was Sloane. We have been good friends since we were eleven. I took the week off of work and we spent the week traveling to different places around Taiwan including Taipei, Green Island, and Kaohsiung. It was really nice being a tourist for a little bit. Sloane had found a free walking tour and I learned so much more about Taiwan. Another highlight was going to an old sugar factory, which had been converted into a drumming studio. We had a woman show us around and give us a free drumming lesson. Even though I talk to Sloane regularly, she got to connect names to people and places that I had talked about. I feel like now she understands more about what my experience of living here has been like. 

The woman who was giving us the private tour took our pictures with the drummers. 

        In October, I went to visit my friends Amanda, Makara, and Patrick in South Korea. In May, they all came to Taiwan to visit! First was Amanda, who I was able to meet up with in Taipei. We got to experience KTV (karaoke) Taiwan-style this time and also go on a walking tour. Just like I was able to get a slice of her life visiting her, I was now able to show her a little slice of my life in Taiwan. The following weekend Makara and Patrick visited. I worked with Makara in the PLU Archives during college. It had been about six years since I had seen Makara and her husband Patrick, and now I have seen them two times in one year! I showed them around Taichung for a couple of days. Then we headed up to Taipei to watch some of the Dragon Boat Festival. Makara competed in dragon boat, so it was fun to get her perspective. We had a great time and they took notes for their next trip back to Taiwan. 

Makara, Patrick, and I at Taipei 101. 

          It was really great getting to catch up with all my friends who visited. Even though I have not been in constant contact with them over the years, it makes my heart full knowing that we can still connect after time apart. We didn't pick up where we left off, instead we picked up at a completely different stop. The reunion was all the more sweeter knowing that we have grown and are in different places in our lives now. My friends here and important to me and I want to stay in touch with them after we all leave Taiwan. I am hopeful that we will. I know that even though they might not be an every day constant, good friends always have a way of coming back to each other. 

I Feel Like

       Conversations with my friend Jacob will sometimes fall into a pattern. He will bring up a topic. 
       "I feel like . . ." will usually be my response with my opinions on the topic. 
       "You feel?" He asks jokingly. 
He has the right to joke about this. I say this a lot. Usually because I am just saying my opinion or because I am not quite sure whether my facts are correct. Still when I could say "I think" or "I believe" or "in my opinion," but it always comes back "I feel." 
        Earlier in the year, after many of these conversations, we compared our Myers-Briggs personality inventory. We had similar results. He was a INTP, while I was a INFP.  The one letter difference is on how we supposedly make decisions. He is a T, said to make decisions with thinking and logic. I am an F, said to make decisions based on feelings. We laughed that once again it circled back to how I feel. At first I was skeptical of this result. As a woman especially, I have felt that I often show the correct emotions at the correct times. I don't cry often. I am not overly expressive, except around those that I know very well. It takes a lot to make me angry.  How could I make decisions based on feelings, when my range of feelings feels so small? 


        While thinking about this more, I found it is is true. I do make decisions based on feelings, it just isn't based on my feelings of emotions. My feelings take the form of a voice in my head. Now when people usually mention voices in their head, it is as a joke about mental health issues. Whether you call this voice your conscience or God or your inner compass or just your brain, that voice is valuable. It tells me "this is right" or "it is time." It gives me all the feelings I need. In one Facebook post(https://www.facebook.com/GilbertLiz/photos/a.356148997800555.79726.227291194019670/1188021294613317/?type=3), Elizabeth Gilbert writes about that inner voice that she also hears. She mentions a friend in academia who was interviewing accomplished women on their success. She asked them questions how they had gotten so far they gave the usual answers. But then, they asked to turn off the recorder and go off the record. Every single one of them said that they heard a voice telling them what to do next, and they listened. So, I listen to this voice inside. 
           Although sometimes, that voice goes dormant. I listen to it, but it doesn't respond. I get anxious. I don't know what I want. I can't make decisions. The voice eventually comes back though, even if it is just a whisper saying "not this." So,  it says "not this" and I will leave a job without having another one lined up. It says "not this" and I will pack up and move to a new city. It will say "not this" even though I don't know what I want, but I know it isn't this. (Elizabeth Gilbert also has a great post on this that I revisit frequently. Read it here. (https://www.facebook.com/GilbertLiz/posts/1004594839622631:0)

Here is a poem by Shel Silverstein, that also talks about the inner voice. 

        In January I had to make the decision of whether or not to stay in Taiwan at my current position. I was offered a contract in November. I didn't hear the voice and I couldn't make a decision. I move so much, wouldn't it be nice to stay in one place for awhile? Leaving would mean saying goodbye to my students and a country I love. In December, I heard the voice say "not this," so I said no without another job lined up. I interviewed for a school in Germany and was offered a position. I did not have a good feeling about this school. The voice told me again "not this." I said no even though I had no other offers or any other prospects of jobs. I was discouraged, but trusted that something else would come along. I had a few interviews, but I wasn't having strong feelings about any of the schools I talked with. 
       Then, things started to click into place. I had signed up for two international job fairs. Although I could not physically attend the fair, schools could access my profile and contact me for interviews. While in Japan with my parents, the first of these two job fairs was happening. I was discouraged because these schools would likely hire everyone at the fair. While in Japan with my parents, I got several e-mails from schools. None of them seemed appealing. They were mostly in places I didn't want to live or go to. I told my mom that I had heard from a school in Honduras, but was going to turn it down because I wanted to live somewhere safer. 
       "Kristin, we really liked when we went to Honduras. You should research these places before you automatically reject them. They might not be as dangerous as you think." 
         I researched the city where the school was located in Honduras. It was up until very recently the murder capital of the world. I e-mailed them back saying I was not interested, but was at least trying to keep an open mind. I heard from a school in Columbia. I was keeping an open mind. I e-mailed them to ask some follow-up questions about the school. They said they would prefer to answer the questions over Skype. I skyped with the principal. The school was in a gated, mining community of 3000 people. Hard pass. At the end of the interview the principal asked when when I would be getting to the fair (this was the second fair now). I told him I wasn't able to go. He said I should let the fair know, so they could update my profile. I let the fair know. 
        When my parents were in Taiwan I got an e-mail from a school in El Salvador. I was keeping an open mind. The school said that they saw my profile. They were very sad that I wasn't attending the fair, but wanted to do a Skype interview. They said I matched what they were looking for in a candidate. I got up very early to have a Skype interview. The next day I interviewed with the elementary principal. She asked me where their school was on my list. I said it was my top pick. She said that I was their top candidate.  The director of the school had worked in Shakopee and Fargo. It was a third grade position, which is my favorite grade. Finally, I had feelings. Finally, I heard the voice that said, "this is right." They offered me the job and I accepted. 

This was taken at the Pinxi Lantern Festival shortly after I accepted the job. Picture by Tyler. 

Shortly after I accepted the job, I went to the Pinxi Lantern Festival. During this festival, people will write their hopes for the new year on a lantern. They light it and then it floats off into the sunset. The colors represent different meanings. The white is for a bright future. I write all of my hopes for the rest of this school year and the upcoming school year on my lantern. A man helped me light it. "1,2,3, . . . dreams come true," he said as it floated into the air. Although El Salvador is going to be very different from Taiwan. The voice inside my head tells me "this is right." I feel like it is the right decision and it will be good.